Demand Avoidance

Today I woke up with demand avoidance on my mind. Many of you would have seen this on diagnostic reports, your child’s or your own. Firstly, the label is misleading, ‘avoidance’ suggests a wilfulness, when in reality the reaction to a demand is involuntarily and extremely unsettling for the individual. In my body it feels like a volcano that bubbles away until it erupts if I do not rationalise it in time. As a child I would have screamed, broken the object of the request or just shut down; I did not understand the feeling at the time and the disconnect between my intelligent brain knowing that the demand was reasonable but my body going to into survival mode made it even more confusing and overwhelming.

Pathological demand avoidance is rare, demand creating an anxiety response is not. Here are some signs:

• Only being able to carry out a request if nobody is looking

• Creating a to do list then rejecting it immediately 

• Choosing food/clothes/pastime then rejecting it when it comes to eating/wearing/doing it

• Exhaustion on waking up (inertia due to all the demands ahead) perking up at bedtime (freedom as the only demand left is to fall asleep - sometimes requiring aides and support to carry out the last demand of falling asleep)

• Craving a routine and timetable then rejecting it when having to see it through

This is just a reminder that children are born with the innate desire to succeed and do well. If they had the tools required for every situation they are faced with, they would use them. Our job is to support them to acquire those tools.

Stay well x